Reflections on Self-Healing, a Year in Review

“See if you can move it,” Theo said.  “Okay,” I replied.  I tried to move it.  But it wouldn’t budge. Not giving up I re-focused all my attention and tried to move it again.  But it still wouldn’t budge.  “I don’t think I can do it,” I admitted, feeling convinced that it wasn’t going to move.  “You can,” he said, “Keep trying.”  “But I can’t,” I said, “And I am not sure that it’s possible.”

At this point Theo stopped and looked at me and said, “Sheryl, every time you focus your attention and try to move your toe, you are working to create a new pathway in the brain.  Even if you don’t see movement, you need to understand that by focusing and mentally trying, you are doing something.  You are in the process of developing a new neural pathway to communicate.  If you keep practicing mentally, one day you will be able to move your toe.”

A light bulb went off for me!  At its best, this is what visualization is all about.  And more importantly, I had been secretly working to move my Parkinsonian body mentally, seeing it easily and smoothly moving despite the tremors/rigidity/bradykinesia I might be experiencing.   But I had started to lose faith in it making a difference.  So Theo’s words were encouraging.  He reminded me that the brain is an incredible organ that can re-create neural pathways.  It’s called neuroplasticity.

What irritates me is that this information isn’t entirely new to me!  I know this stuff!  So why do I need to keep re-learning it?  One of my favorite quotes in a movie is from Excalibur: “It’s the curse of man that he forgets.”  That statement has proven so true throughout my life!  How many times do you have to relearn something in your life until you get it down? 

I had used mental practice in college to pass a final exam/physical test on the horse in gymnastics.  I used it throughout my professional career where I frequently engaged in public speaking and had TV appearances as the company spokesperson.  And just recently I’ve read research that clearly shows that mentally imagining or mentally practicing doing strength training exercises, can actually increase muscular strength! 

But for some reason I had started to doubt myself so I guess I needed to be reminded of it again.  I suddenly felt grateful for the plantar fasciitis in my foot that brought me to physical therapy with Theo.  I needed to experience the effectiveness of visualization in a simpler demonstration like this.  And sure enough, two weeks later I could move my big toe independent of my other toes!  My foot injury and the resulting therapy was a timely reminder to me to have confidence that even though I can’t see an immediate difference from visualization efforts, it doesn’t mean that what I am doing isn’t affecting things!  

Diagnosis

It’s been a year since I was diagnosed with a fast-progressing case of Parkinson’s disease (PD).  By last July, tremors in my right hand had moved to include my left hand, then my right leg, and finally my left leg – all in a matter of 5 months!  What usually takes decades to evolve in most patients happened in a couple months in my case.  In other words, Parkinson’s disease and it’s fast pace of progression was a life-altering diagnosis that shook me up and made me re-examine my life.

The DatScan was the key test in this diagnosis.  A radioactive material was injected in my veins and then imaging was done for about 45 minutes to track the movement of it in my brain.  It showed that my left brain was not producing dopamine at the same level of my right brain.  And while both sides of my body were affected, it’s why the right side of my body was being affected by tremors more than the left side.

Parkinson’s is generally understood to be a movement disorder, but what many people don’t understand is that motor problems are only a small portion of the symptoms experienced with Parkinson’s.  Many symptoms begin more innocently years prior to the tremors and include things like constipation, REM sleep disorder, skin cancer, low blood pressure, difficulty regulating body temperature, and more. 

Because of the variety of symptoms one can experience, it’s hard to compare people with Parkinson’s – our symptoms are all so different.  The adage is, “If you know one person with Parkinson’s, you know one person with Parkinson’s.”

When I was diagnosed last year, I could only imagine what my prognosis might look like; I couldn’t just count on being mobile or independent over the next 5-10 years.  And the doctor didn’t dare offer an opinion when I asked her where I might be in one year.  (I don’t blame her!)  I began voraciously reading about PD online and what I saw threatened the vision I had of my life.  It’s not that my life would be shortened, but suddenly I began to realize that the quality of time I had left could be severely affected.

One year later

But now it’s been a year.  I know a lot more now.  I’ve navigated this disease and started answering some of my own questions about my journey that I had when I started.  Like, “Is there only one way to heal?”  Or, I healed myself over 20 years ago, from two autoimmune diseases and, “Could I do it again?”  Here are a few things I have learned after one year . . .

 1. Is it possible to heal from so-called “incurable” diseases? 

More than ever, I believe the answer to this is yes!  I just finished reading one of the most important books I have ever read about self-healing titled Cured, by Dr. Jeffrey Rediger.   In his book, Dr. Rediger shares documented cases of spontaneous remission from diseases like pancreatic cancer, diabetes, Ankylosing spondylitis, an advanced case of lupus with multiple organ failure, stage IV brain cancer (glioblastoma multiforme), cerebral palsy, idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, and more.  In addition to inspiring and elucidating stories of people that have manifested their own healing, he pulls together cutting-edge science to layout a case for self-healing.  What caught my attention is how closely the stories I read followed my own story or strategy of healing from lupus and RA and my current journey with PD.

More often than not, the stories exhibited people demonstrating radical self-trust in an alternative path.  Many shed their life like a snake sheds it skin and took off to follow long forgotten paths.  Relationships were mended or abandoned; perceptions and beliefs shifted or changed; lifestyle and environment were re-examined.  And often new attention was paid to the basic needs of the body like nutrition and exercise.

No two people did it the exact same way.  Each seemed to follow some internal guide that directed their healing journey.  And in each case, the disease seemed to precipitate changes that brought each person closer to a more honest and authentic representation of themselves. 

Everything in his book struck home for me and reminded me of the journey I had to my healing from lupus and RA; how I left a job, divorced, began practicing daily meditation and forgiveness, and began to follow my heart.  The book also reinforced some new direction I am taking on my journey of healing from Parkinson’s.  For instance, in healing from lupus and RA, I didn’t change my diet.  I felt good about the foods I was eating and didn’t feel pulled or guided to make adjustments there.  But this time around with Parkinson’s, I have modified my diet, making changes to avoid dairy products, minimize animal protein, eat whole foods, more fresh fruits and vegetables, etc. 

So, I am more convinced than ever that healing an incurable disease is possible.  But, and this is the big but, just because we know self-healing is possible and there is an amassing number of documented cases to prove it, does not mean that if we do exactly what someone else does, we will heal.  At this point self-healing is still a mix of art and science.  I firmly believe the science will be there one day to explain how I and others have healed themselves.  But right now it’s still somewhat intuitive.  We are still figuring it out. 

 2. Can I do it again? 

This has been a big question I have had for myself.  Just because I cured myself once, does that mean I can do it again?  The answer is, I just don’t know.  I definitely know the areas of my life and self that I need to explore and I understand the kind of depth of change that healing may require.  And that is BIG!  I am very thankful for my experience with lupus and RA.  That may sound weird, but it’s true.  Lupus and RA were teachers of mine.  I am grateful for what they taught me.  I grew and became a deeper, better and happier person as a result of the diseases.  And now, that past experience and Dr. Rediger’s book has given me even more confidence that I intuitively understand this thing called healing.  

So the landscape is familiar landscape.  I’ve been here before and navigated through it.  And now I’ve found a wonderful resource that reinforces the experience I’ve had while helping to provide yet more clarity.  The answer to the question, “Will I heal from this?” remains, “I just don’t know.”  But without a doubt, I believe it is possible. 

3. Treating the symptoms. 

Doctors practicing western medicine largely do not have the time and resources to learn about or treat the root cause of our illness.  More often, they will only treat your symptoms.  Therefore you can’t expect healing from doctors, just the management of your symptom(s).    I am one year in with Parkinson’s disease, being treated traditionally by a movement specialist/neurologist practicing Western medicine and I haven’t been asked one question about why I think I have this disease, what preceded its onset, and not one set of blood or urine tests has been done to look for abnormalities or deficiencies known to be common in people with PD! 

And even though doctors more narrowly focus on treating symptoms, I wasn’t told that there were alternatives to using prescribed medication to manage my symptoms.  I’ve had to learn that on my own.  Instead, I was offered was a prescription for Carbidopa/Levodopa (C/L) and a hand full of brochures from various Parkinson’s associations.

It’s taken me a year to find someone that I want to work with me, offering the best of what cutting-edge research and the scientific community has to support my body as it heals.  The doctor is out-of-state and isn’t covered by my insurance.  She is a nationally recognized Naturopathic Doctor who does research and specializes in Parkinson’s.  For the first time, I’ll have some blood work done to look for abnormalities and have someone help me apply research findings on modifications I can make to change diet, exercise and more.

Don’t get me wrong.  There’s nothing wrong with treating symptoms.  It is an option to consider.  When I had autoimmune issues, I chose medical help with pain and symptoms.  Treating the symptoms allowed me to focus on life better.

And I would take C/L to help me with tremors, rigidity and bradykinesia, but a few things stop me.  The biggest issue I have is that the medication can cause more motor problems!  And then the cure for that is often more medication or even brain surgery (DBS).  And finally, people that I have talked to that have healed after being diagnosed with PD have advised me not to get on that path of taking Levodopa.  

Another reason I haven’t used C/L is that before I started any medication, I was curious to see how I could manage my symptoms using my system. 

If I can keep my symptoms manageable, I would rather be in touch with my body and get feedback while I am attempting to heal.  If you don’t really hope to heal or want to make any life changes, I can see how you might opt for symptom relief.  But my goal is to actually heal.  And symptoms are my feedback.  Without feedback, it’s hard to know if what I am doing is helping things.

Six months after my diagnosis, I returned to my neurologist for an exam.  She was surprised to see that both my tremors and rigidity had improved AND she agreed with my decision to not go on medication at the time.

In addition to not taking C/L, I’ve chosen not to take Rx medication for my REM sleep disorder and I have gone off medication for depression (since it can affect dopamine levels in the brain).  These are both symptoms associated with Parkinson’s.  At this point, I use an occasional Rx sleep aid and that’s the extent of any prescribed medication I take.

I am happy with my choices thus far.  But I also realize that one day I may decide that treating symptoms is helpful and desired.  So I don’t rule it out.

4. The scope of what might be re-examined in your life to heal is broad. 

To be honest, embarking on self-healing again last year felt daunting.  It’s a big undertaking.  In my opinion, healing demands that I completely examine my life and myself because illness can be caused by chronic stress that comes from just about anything – how I think, how I feel and how I live.  I can’t leave one stone unturned in my pursuit of health. 

When I surveyed over 300 Parkinson’s patients last year, I learned the majority of them believe that stress/trauma is the root cause of their disease.  In my opinion, chronic stress, precipitated by acute stress in February 2021, was/is the root cause of my current ill health.  I knew I needed to find the triggers that set off my nervous system and look for ways to eliminate or manage them.  And conversely, I needed to lean into the things in life that calm my nervous system and bring joy and happiness.  Vitamins, supplements, and even medication aren’t going to cure you if you aren’t addressing the root cause of your illness.

My exploration this past year has covered some of the same territory I covered when I healed in the late 90’s/early 2000’s:

• Examination of thoughts/feelings/emotions/beliefs
• Meditation to quiet the mind and seeking direction from my Higher Self/God
• Examination of work, my lifestyle and relationships
• Taking care of my body (exercise/nutrition/sleep)
• Spiritual practice working with love, forgiveness, gratitude, acceptance

Although I am still addressing all the same things as I did last time, what’s changed this time around might be the specific method or strategy I used. For instance, newer techniques in my tool box this time around include techniques like tapping/EFT or breath work to downshift out of the parasympathetic (fight/flight) mode when I find myself stressing or using HeartMath’s Inner Balance app to measure HRV when meditating.

So no matter what specific method you use, the fact is that our emotions, our thought patterns, our past trauma, our beliefs, our lifestyle, the food we eat, the relationships we have, and our environment, all have the power to negatively affect our health. And reciprocally, anyone of these can positively impact our health.  So it all must be examined.

And it was no surprise when I read the many accounts of self-healing in Dr. Rediger’s book that many of them mentioned meditation as part of their strategy.  For me, meditation helps me to eliminate the noise of outside influences, quiet the mind, and look inward for direction.  Otherwise, with all these areas to consider examining and all the newer techniques available to address them, it can be hard to know how to proceed. 

5. It’s helpful to reframe the disease.

 Disease has a bad rap.  Seriously.  I think we need to change how we look at disease.  I truly believe that oft times the disease we experience is here to help guide us to take a different direction.  It’s our teacher. Disease reminds us that we are living our life out of alignment with who we truly are.  And it won’t let up until we get back on track.  As Gabor Mate says in his book, The Body Says No, when you aren’t strong enough to say no on your own, disease can step in and do that for you. 

That’s what happened when I had lupus.  Let me give you a concrete example.  Before lupus, I had a hard time saying no to people when they asked things of me.  I would find myself taking care of everyone else but not myself.  I ran a company, joined every committee I was expected to be on, took care of my kids, helped my husband, etc.  Then lupus happened.  Suddenly because I was sick I felt I had permission to say no!  I recall secretly being relieved that I could say no and not feel guilty.  Because, for heaven’s sake, I was sick!  You couldn’t rightfully expect “that” from me!     

That went on for a while.  But soon I became aware of myself and how I was using my disease to say no to people.  Lupus had become a welcome crutch!  I found that because I was sick, I could say no and not feel guilty!  So I was getting what I wanted, but I was paying a high price for it.

When I became conscious of what I was doing, I winced.  I knew what I needed to do.  I needed to learn to say no – just no – without using my illness. 

It was hard to do at first.  I was so used to taking on just about anything people asked of me that saying no wasn’t easy.  I remember the first time I planned to say no to someone.  I rehearsed a whole list of reasons or justifications about why I couldn’t do what I anticipated I would be asked to do.  I was ready.  But then when I was finally asked and I said no, there was a quick response of, “Okay.” 

That was it!!!!  No arguing.  No pushing.  They just said okay!!!  And I didn’t even need to explain why.   It was a turning point for me.  The disease had shown me what I needed to do.  And from that point forward, I began being more authentic when asked to do things.  I had learned to say no.

Sometimes when I get stressed or distressed about having Parkinson’s, I remind myself that PD is a gift.  It’s here to teach me more about my authentic self.  And it will stay with me until I have learned.  The teacher is here.  I just need to listen.  And I remind myself, “I am exactly where I need to be in this moment.  Exactly where I need to be.” Until I learn what I need to learn, I am exactly where I should be.

What does it all look like a year after my diagnosis?

• I’ve come a long way in reducing my stress and/or managing my stress.  I’m meditating daily and right now I find that I love listening to the Hymn of Healing by Beautiful Chorus on the Insight Timer app.  I am noticing that my breathing is calmer, more relaxed and coming deep from the diaphragm more often than it used to be. 
• I’ve made progress on my thought patterns and still working on acknowledging and dealing with negative emotions and beliefs; I’m finding myself deep into EMDR work with a therapist dealing with anger, guilt and shame. 
• I’ve paid renewed attention to exercise, diet, and sleep:  I’ve shifted away from walking while my foot heals; taking 30-minute mountain bike rides in the morning sunshine with headphones listening to music; and recently added more yoga and Qigong practice into my week. 
• I’m moving closer to a whole-food, plant-based diet, and sleeping without meds (only Melatonin).  And I’ve developed a spiritual practice of forgiveness and loving kindness.
• These days I am feeling stronger and recently was able to complete a 10-hour day at our ranch hosting an all-day professional training program. 
• My husband and I are spending more time with each other.  And part of that is to speak up more when I notice I am angry – a side he hasn’t ever seen much of!  But it’s one that I am learning to express so I can honor my feelings.  We’ve solved some difficult financial issues (for the moment) that affect our future and I am feeling inspired to begin some new direction in my work.

Summary

In summary, it’s been a busy year!  It’s been a year of deep challenge and plenty of soul searching.  And it’s been a year of change – good change.

In the end, I believe our bodies are naturally wired to heal if given the proper care emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Our bodies and minds are powerful pharmaceutical manufacturers of the most complex and sophisticated nature.  Once we get ourselves out of chronic stress and into a more authentic and happier place in life, I believe the right hormones and chemicals are released that create an internal physiological state that is optimal for healing.

And right now, I am feeling right on track.  I believe I am exactly where I need to be.

Sheryl Marks Brown