The Voice Inside, Part I

Well, it’s been a long time since I last blogged!  Two and a half years to be exact!  I am sure some of you have wondered what happened. 

I learned a lot about self-healing when I healed from 2 incurable autoimmune diseases – lupus and rheumatoid arthritis – back in the early 2000’s.  And now I have found myself re-learning some of the same lessons.  There is a quote in a movie that “it’s the curse of man that he forgets!”  And at first it did seem a curse. 

But on reflection, maybe it’s not a curse.  To go down this path again and relearn things, I’ve found more clarity and a deeper understanding of this process of self-healing.  I’ve also seen differences which only reaffirms to me that there is not one narrowly defined path for healing.  But rather I think there are generalities that apply and there’s at least one undeniable, core component.

So I find myself surprisingly thankful to be here again.  I know that may sound crazy.  But since I was a child I have believed in our ability to heal ourselves.  I wanted to share what I learned the first time I healed myself with others.  But I didn’t.  Something deep inside told me it wasn’t the time. 

But now?  I believe that Parkinson’s is my teacher and I am here to learn from it and share that with you.  I think I have this unique opportunity to understand it at a new level and help others in a way I could not have done before.

So how am I doing now?

A little over a month ago I had a noticeable shift in my energy.  I felt calmer and had a renewed sense of well-being.  A couple weeks after this shift, I had a Reiki session with a Reiki master who has been working on me since the beginning of my diagnosis.  Cindy always begins her sessions by checking my chakras with a pendulum.   (If you’ve never seen this before, check this out.)  I invariably always had one or more chakras closed or blocked before a reiki session.  And after she did her reiki session she would re-test each chakra and they would be open.

So we were both surprised when she did her pre-check on my chakras and she found every single chakra wide open!  This had never happened before.  In fact I think it’s quite unique.  But for me, it was a confirmation that whatever shift I had been feeling was real. 

I can still feel the energetic shift.   I feel calmer, centered, more present, and connected to my Higher Self.  And that has translated physically and mentally in that I feel I am in the best place I’ve been since I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease (PD). 

While out walking my dog I was aware of what a beautiful day it was and how wonderful I felt.  My breathing was from down low in my belly and not in my upper lungs – a sign of being calm.  And I realized that I am loving my life! 

Am I healed?  No, I’m not there yet.  And that’s really okay with me right now.   I am feeling better connected to my Higher Self.  And it feels good.

Self-healing and art – The unexpected similarity

I’d like to share the one undeniable, core component of healing I have come to learn – or re-learn and how it came so beautifully through the messenger of my art instructor.

I’ve been taking an art classes by an abstract artist online since Covid and before my diagnosis of PD.  And although I’ve been painting awhile now, I didn’t understand the profound similarity between great art and self-healing until I watched a video my instructor did about what to do when you get stuck in your painting!  Watching her video made me realize that both healing and great art require that you become more authentically you.

Whether we are tackling an art or health challenge, initially, the process is similar.  An artist that feels stuck might first turn toward design principles and elements to see if there is some basic design principle that could help them, while people with an incurable disease generally first turn toward their doctors and other healers to help.  And all of that is fine.  But what then? 

What do you do when design principles and elements or doctors can’t help you? Or their advice doesn’t feel right? What do you do when you know something isn’t okay but you don’t have answers?  Where do you go?

Essentially, my instructor said this:

Artist/teacher:  You will know when something in your painting is not right.  You will feel it emotionally at an inner soul level.  You will be tempted to look to others for help and get their opinion.  But in the end, other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. 

This is so true in self-healing work!  Even though you have been told you have an incurable disease, how often do you look to your doctor or peruse the internet looking for help instead of turning inward at a deep, inner soul level?

We are so tempted to look to others for help.  It’s especially hard if that person we seek help from is a great artist, a great doctor, has written a best-selling book or has healed from disease themselves (yes, that includes me). These people may have good advice, but it’s important for you to listen carefully and then you need to decide if it resonates for you.  Let your inner voice, your Higher Self help you.  Because in the end, listening to others if you are not careful, can throw you off track.

Artist/teacher:  Finding your inner voice is difficult because we seek what other people say.  But what we need to do is the hard work of being honest with ourselves and to listen to ourselves.  And that’s hard. 

Self-healing similarity:  Yes, it’s hard!  And it’s hard for two reasons.  First, it can be excruciatingly hard to look at yourself and take inventory of what is off in your life – both internally and externally.  But before you can change things, you must first be honest with yourself about what the problem is.  And yes, that’s hard. 

But the other reason it’s hard is that most people don’t have practice hearing or listening to their inner voice.   I mean, just what does that voice sound like or feel like anyway?  Will you actually hear a voice?  Is it just a knowing?  Is it like a hunch or intuition? Is it more of a visual sense?  How will I know it’s the right voice?  Will I feel or sense it somehow?

And all of those are great questions.  And that is why it is hard for people.  Because to learn to recognize and listen to that voice takes time and practice.  It’s further complicated by the fact that we have lots of voices, or parts of ourselves, that can chime in.  So we need to learn to differentiate that Higher Self voice from other parts of ourselves.

In IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy they call this voice or the innate wisdom we all possess, Self.  They describe how it feels differently from other voices inside you.  They describe it as calm, connected, curious, clear, courageous and compassionate.   When you’ve taken time to quiet your mind you can literally feel this energy.  We have all experienced it at some time.  It’s that place of confidence, conviction, and knowing.

Artist/teacher:  When you are not happy with your work, it’s that inner voice that’s trying to communicate.  It’s not loud.  It’s very, very quiet.  In fact, it’s so quiet, it’s like a whisper. 

The world we live operates at a rapid pace.  It’s loud and noisy and full of information on the way to do things.  It’s the opposite of how our work needs to be created.  Our art wants to have this conversation with us.  It wants stillness, contemplation, and for you to give it time to actually look at your work to give it a chance to tell you what is wrong. 

Self-healing similarity:

You’ve probably had a nagging feeling that things in your life weren’t so great even before you were diagnosed.  When you are sick, I believe it’s because you haven’t been listening to the whispers.  Or maybe you heard them but you ignored them.  And now your body is crying out for you to pay attention.

But while your body may scream, your Higher Self is not loud.  It is soft like a whisper.  But it’s talking to you all the time actually! You’ve probably railroaded over it so frequently that you don’t even hear it anymore!  But it’s there — in the background. And now your soul wants to have this conversation with you.  That’s why your body is screaming out. 

The challenge in this world we live in is to carve out some time.  Get still.  Quiet the mental chatter.  And give yourself time to sit with yourself so you can begin to feel/sense or hear that voice inside.  

Doing this once isn’t enough.  You must find a way to practice doing this.  Think of it like you might think about learning a new language.  Learning a new language takes time.  And you are literally learning a new language.  It needs time and practice so you can get good at understanding it.

Artist/teacher:

I often think our work can talk to us if we give it a chance.  Spend time with it without distraction. 

When it is telling you something’s not right, when you feel that deep in your soul, then try something different.  Go back and look at the things you love and try more of that.  Write down what you don’t like and let those be the clues on how to move forward.  Do more of what you love.

Self-healing similarity: 

So if disease is our body’s way of telling you that something’s not right, when you are sick, dig down deep into your soul and figure out what you might do differently – just like my art instructor says.  Go back and think of all the things you love or dreamed of and try doing more of that in your life.  Write down what you don’t like about yourself or your life right now and let those be the clues on how to move forward.

Ultimately, in creating great art and in self-healing, you will discover and do more of what you love. You will become more authentically you. In fact, I think authenticity is the ultimate goal of healing or becoming a great artist.

So what have I learned so far?

Your inner voice will talk to you if you give it a chance.  It’s probably been trying to tell you for a long time now that there is something amiss in your life – either the outside world you live in or the world inside you.  And a more authentic you is waiting to be born.

That is how I healed the first time.  I learned in meditation how to quiet my mental chatter and experiment with what I thought my inner voice or Higher Self might be nudging me towards – or away from.  I practiced this daily.  And at the end of my meditation I journaled and took notes on what came up. 

But I didn’t stop there.  I followed through on the guidance I thought I received.  I practiced it.  Sometimes I felt I was right on and other times not.  But over time with practice, that voice – that Higher Self – becomes clearer.  I began to learn the new language.

At this point, I’ve dropped the quest to find a new way to heal.  Because ultimately it comes down to finding and following that inner voice – Your Higher self – or whatever you call it.  That is where healing comes from.  There is no new way — only new tools, techniques and support to help you with the guidance you get from your inner voice.

This is what is new:

1. New techniques, tools and support for meditation and making some of the changes in your life that your Higher Self points you towards.
2. There is also scientific evidence available today that we can heal from incurable diseases!   That evidence didn’t exist when I healed last time!  And I think that is huge for those of you that still struggle with believing you can heal yourself. 
3. As the evidence grows, more people now understand self-healing and can help guide you on the path of healing. 

If self-healing is still hard for you to believe, remember that our bodies know how to grow and do all sorts of amazing things.  A cut on your arm heals if you provide the right environment for healing.  And your Parkinson body can do the same.  In a conversation I had with Dr. Lissa Rankin, M.D., author of Mind Over Medicine, she personally felt that PD may be one of the easier diseases to heal!

My 6 suggestions on self-healing:

#1 Practice noticing and practice following your inner voice – Develop a regular practice to listen to what is going on inside you and help you more clearly identify that Higher Self – that inner voice.  Find one that feels good to you.  There is not one meditation method that is perfect for everyone.  So experiment and find ways to listen to that voice inside.  Then use one (or more) that resonate with you. 

And remember that healing isn’t linear. Be prepared to try a few things and note whether they resonate with you.  If not, change direction and try something else.  Don’t get discouraged.  You are learning how to listen to and follow your inner voice.  You may even want to take a break!  You might come back refreshed with new ideas. 

#2 Journal –  I prefer to do this after my meditations to capture that inner voice, express gratitude, and/or identify feelings, emotions or sensations that came up during the meditation or during the day.  Writing out what you are deeply feeling and going through can be a release in and of itself.  Keep your journal private (or tear up what you write after you write it down if you don’t have a way to keep it private).  The point is – be deeply honest with yourself.

#3 Learn to trust this voice/your Higher Self within you and to let yourself return to, or surrender to that Higher Self, which is your source of life.  Trust it and hold out hope and the possibility that you can heal. 

#4 Find tools, techniques and support to help you manage the internal world of emotions and thoughts that keep you in a state of fear, anger, anxiety, sadness or loneliness.  What and how you think creates an internal pharmacy.  If you are joyful and kind and generous, you actually produce chemistry in your body that is conducive to healing.  If you are constantly feeling stressed, anxious, angry, or sad, these emotions can chemically take a toll on the body. 

Changing thoughts and emotions and releasing repressed emotion takes time.  It’s not a simple matter of repeating affirmations or going on a vacation.  I believe my disease was caused by chronic stress and trauma.  To heal, I am learning how to heal trauma.  I’ve spent a good deal of time in the past couple years working on my internal well-being.  I sought help from a therapist trained in EMDR work for a little over a year and now I am working with a therapist trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS).

Finding IFS was like hitting a jackpot for me!  It is really more of a spiritual practice than what people generally think of as therapy.  And what I discovered is that it complimented how I work internally when I healed myself!  It was basically the same process!  But, I am learning how to go deeper than I could do on my own with the help of a therapist.

Ultimately my inner voice is my guide that has helped me find tools and techniques that work for me.  It guided me through my first healing.  And I believe it guided me to IFS and all the other wonderful people out there that are helping me.  (In The Voice, Part II, I’ll go into more depth on the tools and techniques that have worked for me.) 

#5 Cultivate love, gratitude and joy in your life.  Have an honest look at your life and decide what brings you joy and what saps your energy.  Examine your life – your job, your relationships, your environment, and what time you are spending in pursuit of activities you love.  And then decide what needs to change, if anything.

One change that I made – that surprised me – was that it was time to sell my Healing Horse business.  Honestly, that wasn’t anticipated.  But I listened and had a deep sense inside me that it was time to let it go – it was time to let someone else take the reins, so to speak.  So after I sat with that knowledge for awhile, I moved forward and with mixed emotions, I found my lovely horses a new home.

What that did for me was to open up time for me to explore one last thing in life I’ve always wanted to explore and push further, and that was my artwork.  And what a delightful change that has been.  I am obviously finding that pursuing my art is also deepening my understanding of healing.  How synchronistic is that? 

#6 Take good care of your body.  Find out what your doctor or naturopathic doctor suggest you need and let your intuition help guide decisions about your diet, your exercise, your sleep, etc. 

For Iinstance, it is common for people with Parkinson’s to need dietary supplements.  Intuitively I felt it was important to get that support for my body.  But I didn’t find that help immediately offered or discussed by my doctor at Kaiser.  When requested, Kaiser only offered a few blood tests.  So I ended up working with the Seattle Integrative Medicine center to get a full Parkinson’s blood panel work-up and hair analysis.  With that data, my naturopathic doctor helped me design a supplement plan that supported my body. 

Taking good care of my body also meant participating in activities that I love to do.  I love to be active. I do something almost every day.  Right now that includes yoga, walking my dog, pickle ball, and mountain biking.  I know from my years of work at the American Council on Exercise, that people stick with things that are convenient and that they love!

On the other hand, I know other people that find that they need more rest.  When I had lupus and RA, my body needed and wanted a lot of rest.  So I did just that – I rested. 

So listen to your body.  Trust what your Higher Self is telling you that it needs.

#6 Use medicine and science where it can help you to relieve and manage symptoms.   Don’t be afraid to use medicine/science/alternative therapies to help you manage your symptoms so you can work on healing.  But don’t look for them to heal you.  Maybe one day they will have a cure.  At this point medical science doesn’t really understand Parkinson’s and there is no cure.  But they can help you manage symptoms so you can focus on healing.

I used medication the first time I healed and I am using medication now.  Using western medicine is not a weakness – but it seems to be a prevalent thought by many people I know who are dealing with PD.

Lastly . . . .

One piece of advice?  Stop trying to heal.  That is a burden.  Work to find peace and love in your life.  Look for joy and create joy for others.  I heard someone recently say that Abraham Hicks said, “Don’t seek healing, seek relief.”  I agree.  Find that place that lets your body relax and breathe.  If you are contracting and clenching and pushing, you aren’t in the place for healing.  Healing happens when you are surrounded by love and peace. 

Don’t make healing your only focus.  Once you’ve tended to your health needs, focus on letting this experience help you become the best you can be – a more authentic you.

Recommended Books

Since I healed myself in the early 2000’s, there have been some wonderful contributions to our understanding of self-healing (also called spontaneous healing though it’s rarely ever spontaneous).  Here are some of the books that I recommend people read:

• Cured, by Jeffrey Rediger:
  • For those that want scientific evidence that healing incurable disease is possible.
• Greater than the Sum of Your Parts: Discovering Your True Self Through Internal Family Systems Therapy, Dr. Richard Schwartz
  • Try this as an audiobook and listen to when hiking out in nature!
• The Last Best Cure, by Donna Jackson Nakazawa
• Mind Over Medicine, by Dr. Lissa Rankin
• Be Your Own Healer, Dr. Kim D’Ermo
  • Though I could have skipped the first 4 chapters!
• Dr. Laura Mischley N.D, and her Parkinson’s School
  • This website has excellent info on Parkinson’s by a leading researcher, naturapathic doctor and clinician in PD.  Since she no longer takes new clients, I see a colleague of hers at her Seattle Integrative Medicine center in addition to my neurologist in San Diego.  They do video appointments.
• The Doc Journey (Direct Your Own Care) website, by Dr. David Hanscomb*
• Radical Remission, by Kelly Turner, PhD (and her book, Radical Hope)*
  • Kelly is a researcher that has collected data on the 10 things that people who heal from cancer have in common. They are: changing their diet, taking control of their health, following intuition, using herbs and supplements, releasing suppressed emotions, increasing positive emotions, embracing social support, deepening spiritual connection, having strong reasons for living, and more recently added, exercise.

*Kelly Turner’s work is focused on cancer patients and Dr. Hanscomb work is focused on back pain. But I don’t think that matters really. Take a look. Regardless of what you are healing, what they advocate is similar.  And what is exciting about Kelly’s work is that Kelly analyzed more than 1500 cases of cancer patients surviving and identified key lifestyle factors they shared.  This is the first time I believe anyone has done research like this on common factors shared by those that  heal.

Hopefully, you can see by my list above that there is not one way to heal.  Every person that has healed has found their unique way by following their Higher Self.  So resist following what someone else is doing unless it resonates for you.

In Conclusion

I believe there is hope for healing for me and for all of you that read this.

As my art instructor advised, find that inner voice inside. You will be tempted to look to others for help and get their opinion.  But in the end, other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. This is uniquely your journey.

*This article does not constitute medical advice.  Sheryl encourages and utilizes input from her doctors at Kaiser, her naturopathic doctor at the Seattle Integrative Medical Center and other health professionals.  But ultimately, she utilizes her Higher Self to guide all decisions she makes about her healthcare.  Although Sheryl feels that her PD is caused by chronic stress and trauma, she also acknowledges that there may be environmental toxins that can cause the disease.  But even then, you can turn inward toward your Higher Self and let your Higher Self guide your healing.

See “The Voice Inside, Part I”I for more on how art and self-healing intersect and about some of the great resources I’ve discovered along this journey of self-healing.

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