An Unexpected Joy

I tapped my husband’s shoulder and softly spoke, “There’s been a change.”  He opened his eyes and quietly asked, “What do you mean there’s been a change?”  “Something’s shifted,” I replied.  “I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t have any tremors or rigidity.  I am feeling normal.” 

To be honest, I could barely keep from shouting.  In fact, I had been lying in bed for several minutes checking in with my body to make sure that what I was about to tell my husband wasn’t some mistake.  But how could it be?  Moments earlier I had gotten up to go use the bathroom and to my surprise, I could actually roll out of bed instead of experiencing the series of awkward rigid movements typical in the morning for me with Parkinson’s.  I rolled – easily – from bed and walked normally to the bathroom!  I didn’t have the usual jerky shuffle that had become routine when I first woke in the morning.  And in the bathroom, there were no tremors.  I felt friggin’ normal! 

I walked back to bed and kept checking in and checking in again on my body, just not believing what was happening.  But even the invisible tremors were gone.  My body was genuinely relaxed, like I remembered it feeling before Parkinson’s.  I was almost afraid to upset the apple cart by getting up and doing more.  So I stayed in bed and talked more about my phenomena with my  husband, trying to hold onto the moment.

Was I healed?

Could it be that I was healed?  Honestly, I was afraid to go there.  I feared getting my hopes up and the disappointment that might ensue.  Finally I decided to just get up and begin the day.  But it wasn’t just any day –  it was Thanksgiving Day! 

How ironic I thought.  I don’t think I could ever remember a day, let alone Thanksgiving Day, that I was so filled with gratitude and joy.  I broke down crying to my husband, telling him how grateful I was to be symptom-free.  If it only lasted a short time, it was indeed a gift.  I cried and danced a little jig.  I was giddy with joy!

And thus began my Thanksgiving Day.  I felt like I was in the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart because I was walking around noticing how beautiful everything was! 

It Didn’t Last

Unfortunately – and it wasn’t a complete surprise – the “healing” didn’t last.  Toward the end of the day I began to notice a slight tremor in my right arm.  I realized that the glass of champagne I had with our Thanksgiving dinner probably wasn’t a great idea, since I went a little downhill from there.  But it didn’t matter.  I had experienced a day without symptoms and I felt normal again.  To me, it was a miraculous day and it gave me hope that there would be more days like that to come.

It May be Normal

Since Thanksgiving Day I’ve had time to reflect on what happened.  And what I’ve learned is that my temporary experience of full recovery may be fairly common among people in the process of healing from Parkinson’s. 

I learned more from my coach

I shared my experience with Howard Shifke, my coach.  He’s had the opportunity to witness several people heal themselves from Parkinson’s and before he learned about the return of my symptoms, he cautioned me that it was his experience that symptoms might return.  But he also underscored, “It is real and it is a beautiful sign that you are having your recovery.” 

I had been doing some deep personal work and he reminded me that as that work becomes firmly planted in my brain, I will eventually experience full recovery. He said, “Know that it is real, it is true, and you are healing!”

Dr. Joe Dispenza

Dr. Joe Dispenza also reports this phenomena in a study he cites about the placebo effect in Parkinson’s patients.   In this study, Parkinson’s patients were given a saline injection and told that it was a new cure for Parkinson’s.  After the injection, more than 50% of the patients experienced their tremors disappear.  To rule out that it was just a placebo effect, a radioactive drug was injected into the patients that would compete for dopamine receptor sites in the brain.  The theory was that if the Parkinson’s patients actually started manufacturing their own dopamine in their brain, they wouldn’t detect the radioactive material in the brain.  And the result?  The radioactive material was not showing up.  That meant that Parkinson’s patients started producing dopamine – something that we are not supposed to be able to do! 

Symptoms return

This study showed the incredible power of our minds.  But what was also interesting, and the point that I wanted to make, is that the ability to produce dopamine was transient.  It seems that once back in their home environments and present again with the stressors that envelope them, the participants’ Parkinson’s symptoms returned.

This pattern was consistent with other experiments Dr. Joe Dispenza ran with Parkinson’s patients at his meditation retreats.  After his 4-day meditation retreats some participants with Parkinson’s became tremor-free.  Here in brain scans of a participant before and after meditation, there are significant changes in coherence measurements and cognitive activity in the brain.

This first chart measures brain coherence of an individual with Parkinson’s before meditation (left) and after meditation (right).  The red indicates low coherence in the brain.  And the chart on the right after meditation represents brain coherence considered normal – and what the brain looked like when the participant became tremor-free. 

This next chart again shows the scans in the brain of someone with Parkinson’s again before and after a 4-day meditation retreat.  Here the cognitive activity is being measured.  Blue represents low cognitive activity as seen in the scan before meditation.  And after meditation the scan looks like the scan of a normal, healthy brain . . . and once again, this participant had no tremors afterward.

In all of these examples, while it was reported that meditation seemed to positively impact Parkinson’s and alleviate tremors, it also interestingly demonstrates that sometimes at least, the change may be temporary.  According to Dr. Dispenza the improvement lasted 1-2 days.  When people returned to their home environments and emotional triggers, it seems the symptoms return as well.

Disclaimer

I want to caution that I don’t know the scientific rigor that these experiments were conducted under.  Recent research by Dr. Joe Dispenza has been conducted at UCSD and Bond University.  But I can’t speak to their rigor.  For more information please go to his website/blog or tune into the Gaia channel and look for the Healing Matrix interview with Dr. Joe on The Mystery of the Placebo Effect; Season 1, Episode 34.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I take my experience on Thanksgiving Day as a positive sign that I am in the process of healing.  I also take the return of my  symptoms as a sign that I have more work to do.  My hope is for more days like Thanksgiving Day, longer and more frequent periods of being symptom-free, and a gradual lessening of symptoms.

I remain hopeful that a full recovery is possible.  And I continue to be grateful in advance for all the gifts that this disease brings me. 

Addendum: After posting this blog, my friend who shares her journey of healing from MSA with me (originally diagnosed with Parkinson’s), just returned from a 10-day meditation retreat (Vipassana). She reported that she experienced 1 day where she could walk normally – a day where she said she “cried and cried with relief.”